Sheep at mass

Today I went to mass. Big deal you might say, well it is a big deal for someone. On the previous weekend over €3000 was collected in the parish. At least that's what it said in the A3 page that they print out for all the congretation or sheep. Maybe they collected more, after all it was cash, who knows? The reason I went was because it was an anniversary mass for my wife's cousin who died maybe 4 or 5 years ago. It's a bit like a rap song where a gangsta can pay a rapper to mention them in their latest tune. Only this time it's the dead person's relatives who pay the priest (rapper) to mention the deceased (gangsta) in the mass (toon). It must be a pretty good deal for the priest because quite a few dead people got a mention today, not just once, but three times. I asked once how much it cost to get a mention and I was told €50. But that was a few years ago and with inflation and the cost of living going up it's probably doubled since then. So as I sat there standing up or sitting down or even occassionally kneeling with all the other sheep I was contemplating why would an Indian priest be saying mass in Ireland. Perhaps it's because of all the CC scandals nobody in Ireland wants to be a priest anymore. Just this week there's a new story about abuse in schools run by the CC. Already 160 cases have come forward. I said abuse, I should have said sexual abuse, but sex is still a bit of a taboo subject in Ireland, especially if a priest is involved. Back when these people were kids being abused nobody talked about it anyway. If somebody complained the priest was quietly transferred to carry on their evil deeds in some other parish. I don't go up for communion at mass, I have a slight problem believing that Christ's body has been turned into a bit of hard flat bread. Instead I watch the sheep blindly following the sheep in front up to the front of the church and calmly returning to their pew. The people are mostly old, in their 70s, with a few people with young families. Very few teenagers or twenty-somethings. Not one attractive looking woman that I'd like to shag. A familiar song from my childhood is played at the end of mass. Joy to the world or something like it. The theme from 'sean the sheep' tv programme would be more appropiate in my humble opinion. The woman in front of me has left her pamphlet on the pew and I read that the relics of saint Bernadette are doing a tour of Ireland. Jesus H Christ this is the sort of stuff that I thought stopped in the middle ages. OK I can accept that Oasis are going on tour next year, but the bits of a saint's body going on tour is something new to me. I'm almost tempted to go just to see what sort of sheep go to see a saint's relics on tour.